Liv explains why celebrating the small victories along the way is an integral part of living your most authentic, joy-filled life!
If you’re super goal-oriented, it can be hard to see the trees when the forest is so immense.
You’re always so focused on the big picture, the little things get tossed to the wayside. When you discount the victories along the way, you make it almost impossible to celebrate the big wins!
And let me guess, you can’t take a compliment either. People express their awe and amazement at the mountains you’ve moved, and instead of kindly accepting it, you “humbly” shrug it off and make one lame excuse or other. Like, “anyone could have done it”, “it wasn’t as hard as it looks”, or “I had a lot of help.”
Ew. Just gross. Stop it.
No one thinks that’s cute. No one’s buying that disingenuous humility bullshit. It’s not a hot-ticket item. It’s a wet, soggy, undesirable thing we need to take off the market.
When you downplay your success, you dishonor yourself and everyone else.
Here’s the Truth: you are a spectacular, unique being put here on Earth specifically for your specialness. The truly humble thing to do is accept this and live up to it. Move your sweet, sweet ego to the side and rock that shit. The collective “we” need you and what you have to offer.
Seriously, look at how messed up and pain-filled the world is right now. I firmly believe it’s because people are not basking in and living their specialness. We’re either trying to be someone else or tearing the ones who are themselves down.
Imagine if everyone stepped into their light and let it shine. What would the world look like then?
Listen to this episode to learn why celebrating everything — and I mean everything — is so important to authentic, joy-filled living.
00:22 Hello and welcome to Self-Aware Millennial, the podcast for people seeking a joyously authentic life. I'm your host, Liv Hadden, and I'm wondering if you think it's just as crazy as I do that it's almost thanksgiving. It's literally next week. I feel like sometime in the middle of summer, the year just turned on, turbo drive and now we're almost to the end of it. I want to, before we get into the content of today's show, which is all about celebration, I want to take a moment to acknowledge that Stanley passed away yesterday and it's bumming me out. I think it's becoming a lot of people out. He created something absolutely magnificent and joy filled and clearly was living his purpose and the thing he's here to do in the world. So as someone who's a huge marvel fan and also as someone who admires people who are living authentically, enjoy fully.
01:20 Thank you Stanley for your gifts and your contribution to the world and meant a lot to me and to a lot of people and families and culture. So thank you. Now, on that note, I want to talk about celebrating the things in your life that maybe don't seem obvious to celebrate. This is something that has been a stretch for me for ever. It's something that I never really stopped to do or think about until I was on my self awareness journey and I actually happened to, as I was rereading some books and things that I have find a paragraph that I really, really like about why, why this self awareness work is really important and I'm going to read that quote to you because I think it's really great and then I'll weave that into how I think celebration plays a role in that. So the quote is from Karen Curry in her book, understanding human design, and this is on page five, so it's at the very beginning of the book.
02:23 One of the greatest sources of pain in life is the disconnect between the self you perceive yourself to be and the authentic self. The greater the distance between the two, the more discordance and pain there is. This pain is not dysfunction or brokenness. It is simply the authentic self telling you that there is more for you here. Then you realize, and it might not look the way your head thinks it should. It is actually much, much better. The more you learn about yourself, the more freedom you'll have to create a life that is in alignment with what's right for you. I read that and reread that and reread that and just thought, yes, absolutely. This is exactly in better words than I've come up with why I think that this topic is so important and why it's been so heavy on my heart to spread the news.
03:10 You know, getting to know yourself, spending time on yourself, choosing self care, choosing mental-health care, choosing physical-health care, choosing to put yourself first. Some of the time is not a bad thing. It's actually a really good thing and it helps you show up better, which is where I'm going to get to the celebration piece. I had a moment last week where I had a triggering emotion, so for me typically anger is something that I haven't processed very well in my life. It's something that I have internalized and have used for a lot of self damaging behaviors, you know, drinking is probably the most obvious in my life that was not going well for me for a very long time in college and of course I was in an environment where drinking is celebrated and encouraged, um, but it's not great as a coping mechanism and that's definitely one thing I used to do.
04:08 Really just bingeing behaviors of any sort are things that I used to use to numb out feelings of anger and I've been working on not doing that because it's not good self care now to me there's a difference between a rough day and having a glass of wine to unwind and drinking an entire bottle of wine because I don't want to feel the way I'm feeling or because I'm choosing to live in an anger story. I found the latter is not healthy for me. I haven't witnessed it be healthy for others, you know, in spare moments. Maybe that's a good outlet overall though, it's not something I highly recommend. So I had that experience last week and typically I would just shut everything down, stomp around and be really quiet. Stew in whatever story I was coming up with, definitely would have probably poured some kind of alcohol into a glass.
05:05 Um, I, I don't binge really anymore, but still, I probably would have had more than I needed if you can qualify alcoholism need and I probably would have eaten something that wasn't good for my stomach or too much of something. Who knows, that's just a typical way that I have coped in the past. Well this time. Everything in me, like on a very cellular level wanted to run and I actually got the information for what I wanted and needed in that moment from my body, which was like a whole revolution for me that I was tuned in enough to that to even hear that message. So for the first time in my entire life I did the healthy thing for myself and I went on a run and the really great thing for me about that, while there were many great things, but one of the really great things was that I had skipped the run in the morning.
05:55 And just to give you some context, I'm not like this huge avid runner. I signed up to do a run with team challenge, which is a subset of the CCFA, which is the Crohn's and colitis foundation of America and you run a half marathon and raise money for that. Basically. I've done it a couple times before, a few years ago and it was really great and I've decided to do it again this year. So I actually really need to be running because I'm pretty pretty out of shape. Running a half marathon without training is a horrible, horrible idea and an easy way to get injured. So I really needed to do this run in the morning and I talked myself out of it. I'm really good at talking myself out of working out. So I, I didn't do that. And so it was actually really great and poetic that I tuned into what I needed to do on multiple levels and that was my response to the anger.
06:45 Now, I typically would have just done that. Maybe noted, hey, you made a good choice for yourself, and then moved on. What I don't typically do when I've made a shift like that, or I notice a positive change in my behavior or my mentality, my perspective, my relationships, what I don't take the time to do is celebrate that. And I think that's a huge, huge, huge mistake, especially if my whole purpose and journey right now is becoming aligned with my authentic self. As Karen Curry's quote states, one of the greatest sources of pain in life is the disconnect between the self you perceive yourself to be in the authentic self. So every step I take closer to that, which for me in this instance, I know that that was really close to the authentic me because I got the information from instinct. I got that information from my body and not some crazy story that I told myself or thought I should tell myself or how I thought I should respond.
07:47 I just responded based on what felt the most right to me in that moment and it wasn't cloudy. It wasn't unclear. It wasn't something I had to sit down and make a pros and cons list about. It just was. It was for all intents and purposes, intuition. If you think about it in that context, that's something that is absolutely worthy of celebration. That's the culmination and result of a lot of hard work. Years of hard work actually, and it. It hit me while I was running that I was really fucking proud of myself and I also realized that this is the first time I've done anything like that, that this is actually a really big deal for me and to let that pass by without some sort of celebration would be a huge mistake. It would be a tragedy of sorts. I am really quick to acknowledge and say out loud all the things I'm doing wrong.
08:40 I am not so quick or loud about the things I'm doing right and that's completely out of balance and so to rebalance that, I actually shared it in my instagram stories. One because I definitely believe in the example, you know, if you want to see change in a specific space, which I think Instagram's where a lot of my peers are, where a lot of people that I'm trying to reach our and I don't have some massive following by any means, but the people that I do have, I want to be demonstrating and modeling how I want them to show up in the world. So I did it there and I also put it there so that I could feel like I was reaching a certain number of people. Because for me that was important. It was more important for me to tell a couple of dozen people than it was for me to just tell one person.
09:30 Because in that moment that's what celebration felt like to me was saying out loud to quote unquote the world. That I was proud of myself. That I'd done all this work and that I've come a long way. If you're a super goal oriented person like me, it can be really hard to see the trees when the forest is so immense. I am always so focused on the big picture that the little things get tossed to the wayside and I really have found that when you discount the victories along the way, you make it almost impossible to celebrate the big wins, so not acknowledging those little things makes it really tough to acknowledge the big things in a way that's meaningful and resonates and that you aren't just dissatisfied with the end result. And of course this kind of coincides with not being able to take a compliment.
10:17 People Express their awe and amazement at the mountains you've moved and instead of kind of accepting it, you humbly struck it off and make one lame excuse or other like anyone could have done it. It wasn't as hard as it looks or I had a lot of help. Ew. Gross. Stop it. No one thinks that's cute and I'm not buying disingenuous humility. I don't think anybody's buying that. Mostly because I used to sell it and let me tell you, it's not a hot ticket item. Bullshit. Humility is a wet, soggy, undesirable thing we need to take off the market because when you downplay your success, you're dishonoring yourself and everyone else and here's the truth, and I want you to recognize that when I say truth, I mean capital "T" truth. You are a spectacular, unique being put here on earth, specifically for your special-ness.
11:12 The truly humble action you can do is accept that and live up to it. Move your sweet, sweet ego to the side and rock that shit the collective we need you and what you have to offer. Seriously, look at how messed up and pain filled the world is right now. I firmly believe it's because people are not basking in and living their specialness. We're either trying to be someone else or tearing the ones who are themselves down and I just want you to imagine if everyone stepped into their light and let it shine, what would the world look like? Then? Celebrating your wins is just better for the environment, for the orphans and the puppies and the old ladies. Every time you let your light shine, you take your corner of the world out of the dark and we thank you for it. When I say, celebrate everything,
12:03 I mean every thing. Nothing is too small. Did you work out when you didn't want to or when you did want to celebrate that? Did you take out the trash before it started to smell? Celebrate that. Did you wake up today? Celebrate that. What does celebration look like? I say whatever you want it to, it can range from jumping up and down to just breathing in the moment and moving on. I've often found all take a deep breath and whisper, thank you to myself. Then move on. In those moments that I'm. That I'm starting to catch these things. I don't think that celebration requires balloons and confetti, though it totally can celebrate in whatever way feels appropriate to you. All that's required is taking a moment to congratulate yourself for showing up. I firmly believe if people living with depression and anxiety did this living would be more bearable.
12:56 I am no therapist, and how often do depressed people do a little dance before going to bed to say to themselves, thanks for choosing to live one more day, dude. It was hard as hell and you fucking powered through it. You ball hard, champ. Mentally healthy people don't even do this, but what if we all did? Life would suck a lot less, and to that point there is actually a study that my brother has told me about multiple times, which I will link to in the show notes where they got a bunch of depressed people to smile in the mirror at themselves once a day, every day, and by the end of this study, these people were no longer clinically depressed. I don't know all of the variables that go into the wide spectrum of depression. I do think that for most cases, that probably is something to explore. It's something to look into that just simply celebrating that you woke up in the morning and you walked into the bathroom and you're still here and you smile about that.
13:55 What if that does change your day? What if that changes your weeks? What if that changes your months? What if that changes your entire life? You know, I like to give you homework, quote unquote, I like to give things that you can do. If this is something that resonates with you, something you want to try, something you feel would resonate with somebody else. The action would just be for 21 days and I tend to lean on that 21 because that's what they found so far is that that's kind of the minimum amount of time to form a habit. It's not necessarily guaranteed that in 20 days you will form a habit, but it's really kind of that minimum amount of time, so for 21 days, celebrate as often as possible. However feels right to you in that moment. Your job is to actively find things to celebrate.
14:44 You're not waiting for things. You're not looking for the external validation that you should celebrate something. You're actively finding things to celebrate, washing your hands after using the bathroom gets a pat on the back, not rolling your eyes after the boss assumes her request is no big deal, gets a glass of wine shutting down the gossiper and the group before they got out of hand with their storytelling, earns a high five. Hell, not tripping between your bed and the car gets a standing ovation. Some days literally celebrate everything. Nothing is too silly or trite. It all matters because you matter. So that's it. That's all I had to say today. I just really want you to start celebrating all the ways that you're wonderful and amazing and doing things and being here and showing up and you're not a waste. What you're doing isn't a waste.
15:35 You're awesome at everything. You're doing matters. Even if you can't tell, even if you don't know. I don't think the pebble that gets thrown in the water knows what a ripple effect it has. You don't need to know. You just need to love yourself and this is one way to start doing that. Another thing that I would like to share about what's going on with me and some of the things that are going to be happening for Self-Aware Millennial moving forward. I have two announcements that I'm really excited about. One is that I am working on my own self aware business. It's not something that I had really felt qualified to do. I still in some ways don't, but I also recognize that if I'm telling you you don't need credentials and you don't need this and you're the expert of yourself than I need to be living that.
16:26 So on that front I'm starting a service called the Collab Container. I'm still working out exactly what that would look like, but essentially it's a service where you could come to me one off as needed or you can sign up to do some sort of program with me and we'll kind of do the same work that I'm doing here in the podcast, but reciprocated and more targeted to where you are, what your goals are, where you're feeling stuck. Those kinds of things, so stay tuned for that. I'm going to have that up on my website and the Self-Aware Millennial website very soon, hopefully by the end of this month it's going to be a really cool container for people to brainstorm and encourage and empower themselves and really start creating and moving the things that you were wanting to create and move in a space that I think is going to be really rad and sacred and special, so I'm really excited about that.
17:21 And then the other thing that I am working on and hoping to have up in time for the holiday season next month is the get your joy on course. It's going to be a 12 month curriculum. It'll have online access, videos, workbooks, and then a group slash one on one kind of component to it. Again, I'm still working through exactly what all of that looks like, but both of these programs that I'm talking about working on right now, I want them to be as affordable as possible. I'm working on striking a balance between making sure that I have clothes on my back and my house is warm and I'm eating well and all of those things, and also ensuring that it's not cost prohibitive for for you because we're all in debt and none of us want to keep diving ourselves into more debt, so just stay tuned for those things.
18:14 I'm really excited about them. I think they're going to be really cool offerings and I think they're going to add a lot of value to you and to the people around you. It'll be a lot like the content of this show, so if you're really enjoying the content, you're finding it helpful. It's basically both of those things are going to be this, but with a personal touch by me and by others in the community and it's going to be more robust and we're going to get more detailed and nuanced and all of those really beautiful things. I hope you have a lovely week and remember, I love you and I like you.
As Mentioned in the Show:
- Here’s an article on how smiling can literally change your happiness levels and help you manage anxiety and depression.
- There are links to several studies on this, as well as a few videos. And yes, fake smiles count!